Alone

In my earlier blogs I have described my early life. For the first six years of my life I grew up in a vibrant, on the move household of between sixteen and twenty people. It was a huge house. Amongst all this vibrancy and activity my father engendered in me a sense of what it meant to be alone – and enjoy it!

He encouraged me to read and lose myself in books, he encouraged me to be creative – there was a lot of creativity around me. (My family abounds with talented creative people.) He also encouraged me to foster a love of classical music.  

When we moved out of this merry, mad, crazy existence I found myself alone a lot of the time. It could have been horribly confusing if my father had not encouraged me to enjoy being alone.

Often people, on hearing that I was an only child would remark. "Ah shame! You must be lonely."

Why do people confuse these two words – "alone" and "lonely". And from this scenario we can get another word "only":

An only child is alone and therefore must be lonely.

I cannot grasp that concept. It was because I was an only child that I learned to be alone without being lonely. Unfortunately I also learned to yearn for alone time.

I was a High School teacher. I was surrounded by teens all day at school and for the rest of the day I was surrounded by my kids. I loved the kids at school and I loved my kids but I often craved that alone time.

During school holidays I would call my kids in for lunch and insist that for 1 hour they stay alone in their room. I didn't mind what they did. They could read, play, sleep – whatever. I think they hated it but it achieved three goals:

1. It helped them to come terms with being alone. I didn't know what the future held for them but I knew they had to like themselves enough to be their own company if needed.
2. Mostly they chose to read and are now avid readers.
3. It gave me 1 hour alone time! So what! We all sometimes have ulterior motives!

A few years ago I was rewarded when my son told me that he mostly hated those times alone but now if he was alone it didn't worry him – and he nearly thanked me for it!

So let's explore this word "alone". The free dictionary (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/) gives the following definitions:

1. Being apart from others; solitary.
2. Being without anyone or anything else; only.
3. Considered separately from all others of the same class.
4. Being without equal; unique.

And now for the word "lonely":

1. (two meanings)
1. Without companions; lone.
2. Characterized by aloneness; solitary.
2. Unfrequented by people; desolate: a lonely crossroads.
3. (Two meanings)
1. Dejected by the awareness of being alone.
2. Producing such dejection

How about "only"? (Only the adjective meanings apply in this context:)

1. Alone in kind or class; sole

2. Standing alone by reason of superiority or excellence.

Am I crazy? To me the only negative word here is lonely. The other two words give a sense of a sublime state. Alone becomes slightly negative when you add "ness" to it – aloneness.

You can be lonely in a room full of people just as easily as you could be sitting at home alone.

Another thought springs to mind:

At this time in history (April 2014) most of the world seems to be focused on one human being. A man who has never had the privilege of being alone but has often through circumstance been lonely.

I caught a friend's Facebook status today (I hope you don't mind me borrowing it Stephen Cloete)

"Having just caught up the week summary of the OP trial, I must just add my own 2 cents. He said over and over again that his life is on the line. That is absolutely not true. His lifestyle is on the line."

Yes, his life has already changed – he is going from a man constantly surrounded by people to a man who is at the moment very lonely. He is the only one standing trial – he is the only one facing a barrage of questions which seem to be confusing him. In a room full of people he must be feeling very lonely indeed.

(Please do not read anything more into this statement – I am not the judge – I do not proclaim him innocent or guilty. I am an impartial outsider and just hope that the judge is led to give a fair outcome.)