New Beginnings

Leandra let her head rest on the window of the bus as she gazed out at the passing scenery. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts. Had she been too hasty in making this decision was the most predominant thought and then came smidgeons of thoughts as her mind danced around the main problem.

Mentally she took herself in hand and shook herself. 

“Come on now. Be sensible. You cannot have second thoughts, your bridges are burnt.”

But then a niggling doubt made itself known.

“Are all your bridges burnt?”

“Yes they are!” admonished her saner self.

How could she have doubts? The future looked bright and rosy.

She had left all the nonsense of her previous life behind when she had climbed the steps of the bus.

Left Sarah, left Alvin, left all the woes behind her in Durban and she was now travelling to the Mother City. She liked the sound of that. Mother City. Maybe she would get all the motherliness that her soul needed once she arrived there.

Her mother was a self-possessed successful artist and had little patience with the wiles of her only child. Leandra didn’t know her father. Her mother had decided that she needed a child to complete her lifestyle and had visited the sperm bank, chosen someone and a year later Leandra had arrived on the scene.

Her mother had not been prepared for the time that was necessary for a baby and had enlisted the help of her mother, Lily. Fortunately Lily was a loving and affectionate person so Leandra was cossetted and loved until the untimely death of her grandmother. By this time she was 11 years old and old enough to fend for herself in her mother’s opinion. School terms were taken care of as Leandra was shipped off to boarding school and she just became an issue during the holidays but she quickly learnt to make herself scarce when her mother was around.

She had developed a love for reading and she had spent most of the time in her room or in the summerhouse in the garden where she could lose herself in the book of the moment.

Her love of reading led to her taking courses at University which would prepare her to be a writer. Unfortunately her rampant imagination did not match her lack of motivation so nothing much was happening in that department.

Her bus was passing a field and her attention was diverted to the animals in the field. From there her mind flipped back to the problems she was leaving behind.

Sarah and Alvin. What a horribly typical story that was. Sarah was the closest thing to being her best friend and Alvin – Alvin with his dark hair that shone and moved as he moved. His hair was an extension of himself. Almost shoulder length, full of bouncy curls that framed his bronzed features. His eyes always seemed to be smiling. She had loved it when he would sneak up behind her, grab her round the waist and swing her around to face him and bring his lips in to meet hers.

They made quite a contrast. Leandra’s blond hair and almost colourless features against his darkness. Just as Alvin’s hair and features were an extension of himself so was Leandra’s. It was always easy for her to disappear into the background. She loved it when they were sitting in a group and Alvin would hold her close as she sat in the space created by his crossed legs. She almost felt that she was no longer insignificant.

It is said that men have an 80/20 vision of their partner. Even if the partner satisfies 80% of what they need they still look around for the 20%. Sarah was Alvin’s 20%. She was loud and lively and seemed to extract every element out of life. A huge contrast to Leandra. It wasn’t long before Alvin started to notice Sarah and Sarah was quick to take advantage. She did not believe in the sanctity of friendship. If something was there that she wanted she went all out to get it. Poor Alvin didn’t stand a chance.

Slowly it became very evident what was happening and Leandra retreated further and further away. She could not handle confrontation and was always very quick to retreat into her safe place, her box as she often called it.

One day she was idly paging through a magazine and she saw it. An advert for a reader in a Cape Town publishing house. Before she fully realised what was happening she applied for the job, got it, bid goodbye to all that was familiar and hurtful, climbed onto the bus and was now travelling to her new life.

Her mind was jumping in and out of thoughts, the most disturbing one being “You can’t run away from yourself.”

© Vera Alexander