Becoming Me
The sun was
glinting on the sea causing the water to give off an almost blinding glare. As
my eyes grew accustomed to the glare, I cast my eyes around. The ship was fully
booked but the deck that I had discovered was not used by many people – most used
the “social deck”. The one that was at the top of the ship. The one that had
the pool, deck chairs, and ready refreshments. I needed the solitude that my
quiet deck gave me.
I stood by
the railing, clutching the urn. The urn that contained the happiest moments of
my life. The urn that contained the saddest moments as well as the angry
moments.
As I looked
at the urn a feeling of peace started to descend on me. Soon I would rid myself
of all the unwanted emotions in my body. Soon I would be ready to start my life
as a different person with a different name and an identity that I could live
with. Sarah Brown would be gone. Jill Inverness would step off the boat in
Italy, ready to start a new life.
I opened
the urn.
It was
filled with my thoughts, a few material possessions, and my writing.
I looked
around to make sure that no one was around and scrabbled in my bag for the
lighter that would obliterate my old life. I placed the urn on the deck and
slowly lowered the lighter into the urn as I ignited it. It was fascinating to
watch the flames eating up my old self.
When the
flames had died and my old life was now ashes, I lifted the urn above the railings
and emptied Sarah Brown into the ocean.
